


(Not so) Fun Fruits Basket Switches!

by Raberba girl (Raberba_girl)



Category: Fruits Basket
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-18
Updated: 2008-04-18
Packaged: 2017-12-25 00:58:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raberba_girl/pseuds/Raberba%20girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akito orders Hatori to poison everyone's food, which causes personalities to be switched. Any feeble plot is just an excuse to see things like Kyou reading a newspaper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Not so) Fun Fruits Basket Switches!

(Not so) Fun Fruits Basket Switches!

A Fruits Basket fanfic by Raberba girl

 

Summary:  Akito orders Hatori to poison everyone's food, which causes personalities to be switched. Any feeble plot is just an excuse to see things like Kyo reading a newspaper.

A/N:  It is advised that only people very familiar with the Fruits Basket characters should attempt to read this fic; it would be very confusing otherwise.  Also, I wrote this fic before I stopped hating Akito, and before Akito's Secret was revealed in the manga.

 

YUKI                          is acting like Kyo

SHIGURE                  is acting like Yuki

KYO                           is acting like Shigure

HATSUHARU                      is acting like Ayame

KISA                          is acting like Hiro

MOMIJI                      is acting like Kagura

AYAME                     is acting like Hatsuharu

HIRO                          is acting like Ritsu

RITSU                                    is acting like Momiji

KAGURA                  is acting like Kisa

 

o.o.o

 

AKITO:  *mumble mumble*  I am feeling particularly evil today.

 

_Akito strokes one of his little birds.  It bites him._

 

AKITO:  Ow.  I will cause even MORE trouble for everyone than usual!  Hahahaha!  Hatori!

 

_Hatori stumbles in with mussed hair and sleepy eyes._

 

HATORI:  What is it?  *rubs at eyes*

 

AKITO:  Make me a secret super duper potion to switch everyone's personalities!  Then put it in their food and make them EAT IT!

 

HATORI:  *blinks muzzily*  Fine.

 

_He sighs and trudges back to his room._

 

AT SHIGURE'S HOUSE:

 

TOHRU:  La la la!  Here, guys, I have lunch!

 

KYO:  I hate lunch!

 

YUKI:  Thank you, Honda-san.

 

TOHRU:  *beam*  Yay, Yuki-kun said my name!  Yuki-kun likes my food!  Yuki-kun is so pretty!

 

KYO:  Shut up!

 

_Tohru skips back into the kitchen._

 

KYO (to Yuki):  I hate you!

 

YUKI:  Don't talk to me.  Your voice makes me want to throw up.

 

KYO (catching sight of the food):  Ugh, what is this stuff?!

 

SHIGURE:  Eh, looks like leek-and-tomato sandwiches to me.

 

KYO:  Yech!

 

YUKI:  EAT IT.

 

_They eat it.  Strange things start happening._

 

SHIGURE:  I feel feminine and insecure now.  I'm going to my room to talk to my mousie friends.  *goes upstairs*

 

KYO:  Hee hee hee!  High school girls!

 

YUKI:  STUPID PERVERT!  RAGH!  *smashes a door*

 

AT THE SOHMA ESTATE:

 

TOHRU:  Hey, Momiji-kun!

 

MOMIJI:  TOHRU!  *glomp*

 

_Momiji poofs into a bunny._

 

MOMIJI:  *beam*

 

TOHRU:  *sweatdrop*

 

_Hatsuharu comes to the door.  He, Kisa, Ayame, Hiro, Ritsu, and Kagura are randomly visiting Momiji._

 

HATSUHARU (pleasantly):  Hey, what's up, Tohru?

 

TOHRU:  I love you all!  I want to understand you!  Eat my food!

 

MOMIJI:  Yay, Tohru made food!

 

_They all eat it.  More strange things happen._

 

HATSUHARU:  Aha ha ha ha ha ha!  I must go visit Yuki to _understand_ him better, so we can BRIDGE THE GAP BETWEEN BROTHERS!  Aha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

HIRO:  *gasp*  I feel so insecure - I MUST DRESS IN GIRLS' CLOTHES!  *runs into Kisa's room*

 

RITSU:  Ooh, Tohru, you look so cute!  Tohru, don't I look cute?!  Tohru, let's go to Sea World!  *hugs Tohru*  Wah!  Why am I a monkey?!  *pauses*  Oh well!  I'm still cute!

 

KISA:  *makes a noise of disgust*  What, why are you wearing those stupid girls' clothes?  You think you're a girl or something?  For a high school kid, you sure have mud for brains!

 

KAGURA (timidly):  Kisa-chan....

 

AYAME:  ??????  How did I get here?  Where's my bike?  Where's Kyo?  Ah!  I want to fight with Kyo!  *turns Black*

 

MOMIJI:  *ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!!!*  KKKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOO-KKKKUUUUUUUUNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!  MUST!  SEE!  KYOOO-KUUUN!  *zooms off*

 

AYAME:  Wait for me!  *runs a few steps, then stops*  Eh?  Which way do I go?

 

TOHRU:  @_@

 

BACK AT SHIGURE'S HOUSE:

 

_Kyo is reading the newspaper.  Shigure is standing with folded arms and a murderous expression on his face, while Yuki screams abuse at him._

 

YUKI:  WELL I'M TELLING YOU, I'VE HAD IT!  I'LL BEAT YOU AND BECOME A MEMBER OF THE ZODIAC IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!  *pauses*  Now I am going to punch your face in!

 

SHIGURE:  Idiot.  You already _are_ part of the zodiac.

 

YUKI:  *turns crimson and speechless with rage*

 

KYO:  Guys...go easy on the house...please?

 

VOICE FROM OUTSIDE:  Kyoooooooo-kuuuuuuuuuuunnnn!

 

_Yuki starts and looks tense.  Kyo raises an eyebrow._

 

KYO:  That sounds like...Momitchi?

 

_A hurricane crashes through the front door._

 

MOMIJI:  KYO-KUN!  *glomps Kyo*

 

KYO:  *silly grin/sweatdrop*  Hallo, Momitchi.  *pats Momiji's head and goes back to his newspaper*

 

MOMIJI:  Grr, you're no fun.  *looks around predatorily and spots Yuki*  Ah!

 

YUKI:  *sprouts mouse ears and tail*  Eep!

 

_Yuki tries to run; Kyo reaches out, snatches the tail, and delivers Yuki to Momiji's mercy._

 

MOMIJI:  Mragh!  *cuddles Yuki*

 

YUKI (through the sound of cracking bones):  Kyo, I will kill you....

 

KYO:  *smile*

 

SHIGURE:  Momiji, squish him harder.

 

AYAME (coming up behind):  *punch*

 

_Kyo goes flying._

 

KYO:  Eh, Aya...what was that for?  *looks reproachfully at Ayame*

 

AYAME:  The rabbit was right, you _are_ no fun.

 

_Momiji and Ayame start chasing Yuki around and around the house.  Ayame occasionally bumps into walls, house corners, and random posts._

 

KISA (walking in):  Hey, what's this?  You got guests, Kyo.  Is this how you run the place?  Leaving visitors standing at the door, not offering anything to eat?  What is this, some kind of circus?

 

SHIGURE:  *looking out at Momiji, Ayame, and Yuki*  Darn right it is.  I'm going to my room.  *gestures at Yuki*  Watching him makes me sick.  *goes upstairs*

 

_Hatsuharu has decided he'd rather have Shigure as a brother than Yuki._

 

HATSUHARU:  Ah ha ha ha ha ha!  Here's the opportunity to share some QUALITY TIME TOGETHER!  Shiiiigureeee, wait for me!  *skips off upstairs after Shigure*

 

KISA:  So, what, you gonna invite us in?

 

KAGURA:  Kisa-chan....

 

KYO:  *sweatdrop*  Right, right, come in, all of you.  I'd offer you food, but...Tohru-kun's not here....

 

KISA:  So, what, she your mom or something?  You let a permanent guest who's not even related to you run the house?  You a cripple, you can't take care of yourself?

 

KAGURA:  Kisa-chan....

 

KYO:  *sweatdrop*  I think there's doughnuts and orange juice in the fridge.

 

_Yuki runs by._

 

YUKI:  I HATE ORANGE JUICE!

 

KISA:  We weren't asking you, gray-haired lady!

 

_Yuki slams to a halt.  Momiji and Ayame crash into him._

 

YUKI:  SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU SNOT-NOSED BRAT!

 

KISA:  Yuki's a giiiiiirl.

 

_Yuki charges at Kisa, who steps aside and trips him._

 

YUKI:  *splat*

 

KAGURA:  Um, Kisa-chan...what is that noise...?

 

_Dim sounds of someone laughing as they are being smashed into the floor are coming from upstairs._

 

KISA (not paying attention):  I don't hear anything.

 

KAGURA:  ......

 

_Momiji, folding his hands cutely under his chin, begins to cry._

 

MOMIJI:  Yuki-kun...why are you running away from me...?  Why?  I love you...I love you--- SOOOOOO MUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!!

 

_Yuki screams and flees, with Momiji in hot pursuit._

 

KYO:  My poor house....

 

AYAME:  Eh?  Where am I?  Why do I feel so tired?  Why do I have so many bruises?

 

_Hiro is hiding outside, wearing Kisa's clothes._

 

HIRO:  I'm such a worthless person!  I'm such an annoyance to everyone, I've just got to put an end to myself!

 

RITSU (coming up behind him):  Eh?  Don't say that, Hiro!  *puts his arms around him*  You're so cute, just like me!  Let's go to Disneyland!  Ooh, let's take Tohru with us!  Let's take EVERYONE with us!  Without telling them!

 

HIRO:  Without...telling them?

 

YUKI (thunderously):  ARE YOU MAKING PLANS FOR US AGAIN WITHOUT ASKING?!

 

HIRO:  WAAHH!  PUNISH ME, PUNISH MEEEEE!  GOOOMEN!  NASAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

RITSU:  *smile/sweatdrop*

 

MEANWHILE, AT THE SOHMA ESTATE:

 

AKITO:  Hahaha!  This is so entertaining!  *cough cough*  I feel ill.  I think I'm dying.  Hold me, Hatori!  I don't have much longer to live!  *cough cough*  My eyeballs are being sucked back into my brain!  My toenails are turning to mush!  My ears are turning orange!  My teeth are beginning to liquefy!

 

_Several birds begin dancing about, singing "We're free, we're free!"_

 

AKITO:  Go away!  I hate you!  Go tell Yuki how worthless he is or something!

 

_The birds fly away.  Akito dies._

 

HATORI:  Heh heh....  *kisses the bottle of rat poison*

 

_Tohru bursts in, panting heavily._

 

TOHRU:  *gasp*  I run...alla way...*pant* to tell...*choke for air*  Ev'r'one...gone crazy....  *collapses*  Help!

 

HATORI:  *sigh*  And I was having so much fun, too.

 

_He changes them back, everyone's embarrassed, but they all live happily ever after - mainly because Akito's DEAD.  *laughs happily*_

 

THE END


End file.
